honestly, i don't even know why i don't just delete this thing sometimes....
we are trudging through, almost done with summer classes, and maybe (!) i can get a breather after that. right now it's been work, work, work, morning and night class for dave, me terminally exhausted, trying to keep up with 2 energetic boys.... feeling like i'm failing in all arenas. i just can't seem to get ahead of myself, or recharge my batteries to get through. i'm just doing the best i can right now. i wish it didn't feel so hard sometimes.
i also seem to be having more and more guilt about working. since we signed rowan up for pre-school next year (quite a substantial monthly nut that will be) i have been knowing things are going to have to change a bit (read: i need to get some other kind of job to supplement this...) we scrutinized our choices, and felt this was the best situation for him, and since we will not have to pay for grade school (free charter school) we figured it was worth the one year struggle... liam just finished his kindergarten year, and really grew in leaps and bounds. he went from just being able to write his name, to now reading chapter books in one school year. and he loves it. i still want to read him stories at bedtime, but he tells me "no, i'm reading to you.." (!) wonderful. i am so proud of him.
the floor is suffering from low staffing, and so my approved vaca time isn't really going to be honored. all i wanted was to get down to see my grandparents, with dave and the boys, especially after this winter (since Clark, my uncle committed suicide in feb... oooh that's another loooong post). i just hope i can finagle some sort of mid week kind of thing and shoot down to AL for 7 days.
in other bright news (!! hahah!!) seriously... :) dave is doing welll, and i can, despite my stress level, see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. i'm relieved that this really is finite, and i will be able to be with the boys and have some semblance of regularity again. i just struggle when i am sooo far in it that i can't seem to get ahold of some balance in our life. that's really hard. managing the house while working on the unit... i can't even get through a shift without being texted about what to cook for dinner, when i don't even get home until bedtime (!)
until next time...
hopefully that may be sooner than 5 months...
we are trudging through, almost done with summer classes, and maybe (!) i can get a breather after that. right now it's been work, work, work, morning and night class for dave, me terminally exhausted, trying to keep up with 2 energetic boys.... feeling like i'm failing in all arenas. i just can't seem to get ahead of myself, or recharge my batteries to get through. i'm just doing the best i can right now. i wish it didn't feel so hard sometimes.
i also seem to be having more and more guilt about working. since we signed rowan up for pre-school next year (quite a substantial monthly nut that will be) i have been knowing things are going to have to change a bit (read: i need to get some other kind of job to supplement this...) we scrutinized our choices, and felt this was the best situation for him, and since we will not have to pay for grade school (free charter school) we figured it was worth the one year struggle... liam just finished his kindergarten year, and really grew in leaps and bounds. he went from just being able to write his name, to now reading chapter books in one school year. and he loves it. i still want to read him stories at bedtime, but he tells me "no, i'm reading to you.." (!) wonderful. i am so proud of him.
the floor is suffering from low staffing, and so my approved vaca time isn't really going to be honored. all i wanted was to get down to see my grandparents, with dave and the boys, especially after this winter (since Clark, my uncle committed suicide in feb... oooh that's another loooong post). i just hope i can finagle some sort of mid week kind of thing and shoot down to AL for 7 days.
in other bright news (!! hahah!!) seriously... :) dave is doing welll, and i can, despite my stress level, see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. i'm relieved that this really is finite, and i will be able to be with the boys and have some semblance of regularity again. i just struggle when i am sooo far in it that i can't seem to get ahold of some balance in our life. that's really hard. managing the house while working on the unit... i can't even get through a shift without being texted about what to cook for dinner, when i don't even get home until bedtime (!)
until next time...
hopefully that may be sooner than 5 months...
