Orientation

Smallpox
Anthrax
Ricin
WMD
What comes to mind? What do those words encite in your parasympathetic nervous system? For me, yikes! do you have a paperbag!??!?!? WEll... my one day hospital orientation was today, regular RN orientation starts on Feb 4th, then right into floor orientation. It was one day, just sitting, listening, mostly OSHA, benefits, and risk management stuff. I thought there may be some emergency preparedness since it is a hospital and it is in Hoboken, so when I saw the schedule, I thought "Oh what fun, the last hour is an entirely diaster readiness!!"
I knew I wouldn't enjoy it, but I didn't think I would be the only person biting my lip, fighting back tears for nearly the whole hour.
Alrighty, some history on this ... I lived in Jersey City, as we do now and on the same block, on 9/11. My 6 windows in my kitchen and living room framed the NY skyline. So after 9/11, all I could see was the smoking towers for, oh 3+ weeks. I have since battled PTSD. A 12 hour power outage in August 2003 sent me into level 4 panic for hours. Let's just say I freaked my sister out. Poor thing, she had no idea about me. So when we moved to Mass. I struggled with the move and PTSD, so while in nursing school, I utilized my resources at school. I was diagnosed with PTSD and met with my mental health professional on campus once a week for,oooh, 52 weeks....

I am better, but the reality of moving back to the hot zone, with my 2 kids, can strike the fear of whatever in me...

I know I have made some progress since I first sought help. Today, I was at about a 5 and knew I could more easily get to a 1 or 2, rather than going into a full-blown 8, and staying there for days..... It doesn't necessarily make me feel better or safer.

I wish I had better answers for myself. This is the best I can do right now. But, it is still better than what I had. I suppose it is some sort of progress.

As for everything else, just hanging in there. Kiddos are not sick, which is always nice. Dave starts his Saturday class this weekend. 9 to 4 every Sat. yay. I'm hoping I get some sort of schedule from my preceptor the beginning of Feb, otherwise I don't know how I'm going to sort out a bday party for Liam, who turns 5 on 2/21. OMG!!!!

I will be on days now. My new nurse manager called and offered me the change. I think 7a to 7p will be much more tolerable than 7p to 7a... ya think?!?!?

bad blogger

jeez! i can't even write one post in a month??!!? what was i doing in december?
well... christmas was quite nice. low-key, but nice. i somehow got myself a wonderous cold and near sinus infection the entire week. ugh, i wasn't too happy. esp since the friday morning after xmas when i woke (7 days into it) with the nastiest bit of what i thought was a sinus infection... i called my doctor, only to find she didn't have anyone covering. granted i anticipated having to see whomever she has covering her, since she was out, but what primary care doesn't have someone covering??!?!? they just tell her pts to go to the ER??? ugh.
lucky for me, things cleared quickly. just more difficult when your littlest enjoys waking you nightly each time you fall asleep, which is about 7x a night!!!
SORRY!!! enough whining!!!!
the boys LOVED their train table, and liam esp loved his T-Rex. Dave and I pooled our gifts and got the Canon S3IS. happy about that, just have to sit myself down and actually read some directions for once. i'm horrid at directions. i just get impatient.
i am inching my way closer and closer to my start date at h.boken hospital. i know dave is sooo happy about leaving hp, and i am glad he will be starting his anatomy class, but i definitely have my moments of panic when i remember a) i will be now be the sole bread-winner and b) i will no longer be the stay-at-home parent... i know this is only for the duration of dave's nursing school, but i keep thinking my time with rowan at home is OVER. i'm not sure what will help me get over this hump, but i'm going to try not to have my mini panic attacks!!!!