bad weekend

ugh... it seems we have all been host to nice little stomach bug and this weekend was d and mine turn. so much so that i had to miss my interview this morning. i started feeling like something wasn't right last night, but not he worst i've felt in my life. i thought if i could just wait it out, i could go, but there was no way that would have happened! d had called in for a sick day sunday night, and thank god he did...
ah well, hopefully i will be rescheduled soon, maybe wed morning. i felt like an ass calling the recruiter since i have checked in with her frequently lately, not quite hounding her for an interview, but she got the idea.
i'm having some quasi-anxious feelings about working and having d stay home with the boys, but i guess i get this way when i know there is an impending change in our lives. i got this way right before nursing school started, maybe a touch before r's birth (but i was mostly excited). i'm always tetering on the edge of feeling empowered as a mother, trying to multi-task and feel accomplished and then trying to rangle the guilt i have needing to work. i can rationalize all of it to a cetain part of my brain, but there is the other part that says i should be their primary caregiver. i don't know. this is just something i am deaing with at the moment...