Smallpox
Anthrax
Ricin
WMD
What comes to mind? What do those words encite in your parasympathetic nervous system? For me, yikes! do you have a paperbag!??!?!? WEll... my one day hospital orientation was today, regular RN orientation starts on Feb 4th, then right into floor orientation. It was one day, just sitting, listening, mostly OSHA, benefits, and risk management stuff. I thought there may be some emergency preparedness since it is a hospital and it is in Hoboken, so when I saw the schedule, I thought "Oh what fun, the last hour is an entirely diaster readiness!!"
I knew I wouldn't enjoy it, but I didn't think I would be the only person biting my lip, fighting back tears for nearly the whole hour.
Alrighty, some history on this ... I lived in Jersey City, as we do now and on the same block, on 9/11. My 6 windows in my kitchen and living room framed the NY skyline. So after 9/11, all I could see was the smoking towers for, oh 3+ weeks. I have since battled PTSD. A 12 hour power outage in August 2003 sent me into level 4 panic for hours. Let's just say I freaked my sister out. Poor thing, she had no idea about me. So when we moved to Mass. I struggled with the move and PTSD, so while in nursing school, I utilized my resources at school. I was diagnosed with PTSD and met with my mental health professional on campus once a week for,oooh, 52 weeks....
I am better, but the reality of moving back to the hot zone, with my 2 kids, can strike the fear of whatever in me...
I know I have made some progress since I first sought help. Today, I was at about a 5 and knew I could more easily get to a 1 or 2, rather than going into a full-blown 8, and staying there for days..... It doesn't necessarily make me feel better or safer.
I wish I had better answers for myself. This is the best I can do right now. But, it is still better than what I had. I suppose it is some sort of progress.
As for everything else, just hanging in there. Kiddos are not sick, which is always nice. Dave starts his Saturday class this weekend. 9 to 4 every Sat. yay. I'm hoping I get some sort of schedule from my preceptor the beginning of Feb, otherwise I don't know how I'm going to sort out a bday party for Liam, who turns 5 on 2/21. OMG!!!!
I will be on days now. My new nurse manager called and offered me the change. I think 7a to 7p will be much more tolerable than 7p to 7a... ya think?!?!?
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my husband is nypd and when you saw that smoke from your window, he was down there. it was the worst experience of our lives. the power outage was scary at first, but new yorkers made such a go of it, restaurants and bars giving everything on the house, just not to be alone and scared sh*tless.
we are now in orange county, ny. we now have a family and he wanted us far away from ground zero. he still works there, and now, with the knowledge that a family member can just die, it sucks for me.
our daughter was stillborn on 9/9, and would you believe the date on the cremation certificate was 9/11???
the week i spent in the hospital i decided to go back to school for nursing.
i'll be waiting to hear about your work in hoboken...i've spent many days and nights there! (not in the hospital, luckily.)
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