terms of employment

i have always and forever adored 't.erms of e.ndearment', esp. the scene when Shirley is pleading with the nurses for the 10pm pain meds ("It's past ten. My daughter is in pain. I don't understand why she has to have this pain. All she has to do is hold out until ten, and IT'S PAST TEN! My daughter is in pain, can't you understand that! GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!" ). it's in the class of films i watch biyearly, and cry at all the same parts. i now have 2 sons and the last scene with her boys gets increasingly more difficult to watch. to contemplate that reality, well, no thanks.

i digress.

i have been mulling over the idea of a second job, per diem of course, preferably 16 to 20 hours a month. ideally, i'd just want to fill in to where i would be working a normal 40 hr week, since my present job albeit "full-time" isn't quite that. it isn't as easy to find per diem work, as i have been in med/surg under a year.

i drove out to p.arsippany yesterday to interview at a hospice company that i was introduced to through several of our patients. i have admitted several patients to in house hospice over the last few weeks. i routinely care for terminal patients, and feel an interest in pursuing this. i'm good at it. their needs are basic, and it clarifies a resolve in me to be the nurse i thought i would be when i was in school. what i am now, i feel, is a drug pusher, a waitress of opiates; managing the crazy and emptying the catheters. it doesn't feel like i do any good; i just make sure to keep them alive for shift change... ha ha, little medical humor. not funny? yeah, i know.

not sure what will happen, per usual. i just don't want to take anymore time away from the boys. at least with this, i tell them my availability. and i can work as much or as little as i want. say i want to work some evenings when dave is studying and the boys are sleeping, *poof*! done. sounds pretty decent... except when that means, i'm going out to do a pronouncement. geez. i won't be any fun at parties.

recent ones of the chillens...